“Tis the season to be jolly” and Hera reckons you enjoy nothing better than being entertained by the antics of the staff and their endless stream of improbable assertions and amusing contradictions. The Queen of Heaven, known as Miss to her friends, has therefore, asked me to provide end-of term reports on the various masters at La School and other establishments. Indeed, Our Prav has himself said it’s the time of year to faire un bilan. Being myself at best a mere demi-god, their wishes of course are my command.

The High Master. Considered by some staff as himself a cadeau-bon, has given gifts galore to poorer pupils but needs to keep an eye on his bottom line. Has also pursued an interest in Home Economics with mixed results, not helped by his choice of kitchen helpers. Shows promise but needs to improve staff selection and procedures to avoid legal fallout, as well as implement the reforms promised in La School’s prospectus.

The Deputy Head and Utilities Manager. Tries hard to keep the staff team together – but too hard to defend weak colleagues. While the water and electricity supply situation is improving, not enough is being done to recycle wastewater and prevent it contaminating the swimming pools. Needs to speed up outsourcing as many of those working for his current suppliers are timewasters, appointed for obscure reasons.

The Founder. Out of respect for all that he’s done for La School, continues to occupy an honorary role and retains his seat on the Board of Governors. Still gives the odd class but has had trouble adapting to the curriculum and staff changes.

Vice-Master & Head of Local Government Studies. Since La School became co-educational, not to all parents’ liking, it’s had to appoint yet another lady in a senior position. Jolly nice person but unlikely to be a great reformer or deal with hawkers who regularlyencroach on the grounds – the fault of you parents who’d do anything for a bargain, perhaps because you’ve little money left after paying the high school fees.

Head of Foreign Languages. Had to give up teaching Economics due to indifferent exam results and now dabbles in languages and diplomacy. Although his colleagues tend to encroach on his territory, he retains a charming manner when dealing with overseas pupils.

Head of ICT. As Sports Master, he was felt to interfere too much in team and other selections. Was moved to ICT Studies where he now needs to make his mark.

The Driving Instructor. A popular subject with senior students. Has tried to improve the School’s race track, left in very poor condition by his predecessor, with whom the establishment had to part company. Has now embarked on an ambitious project to build a miniature railway through the middle of the school grounds, although it may be years before its value can be assessed.

The High Mistress. Has dared to embark on sweeping educational reforms, unlike many of her predecessors, but has yet to convince parents of their value. Has had to produce a booklet to explain things, muddling things further as it’s in French. May go down in the History books but in what capacity has yet to be determined.

Head of Tourism Studies. Given a popular subject but he has yet to introduce new ideas, like Epi’s cultural routes, or to urge La School to appreciate buildings of historic interest – although parents of potential overseas students love them. More at home in the hotel industry than in Health where, although awarded an honorary doctorate, his interventions were generally unhelpful. Unlike mine. By the way, this is only the start. More cheer next week – and the week after.

Seasonal greetings!
Epi PHRON